2018年11月6日星期二

試譯金庸(2):描寫段落

開始譯《連城訣》以前,先在網上搜索一下,看看是否已有英譯,沒料到真的給栗找到,可惜那是一個撮譯本。

要將金庸的作品逐字逐句翻譯,除了技術上會出現重重問題,譯稿的字數估計會比原稿多出五倍以上(因為注釋肯定一籮筐),在翻譯和校對的層面上,是頗為吃力的一件事。但若然將情節大幅刪減,又會讓讀者覺得若有所失。以《連城訣》第一章為例,作者花了不少筆墨描寫狄雲和戚芳比劍的情景,這些細節撮譯本中通通被刪去,只用一句交代二人在練劍。栗既感愕然又覺惋惜。例如以下這段描寫二人外表的文字,栗覺得英譯應該保留:

  那少女十七八歲年紀,圓圓的臉蛋,一雙大眼黑溜溜的,這時累得額頭見汗,左頰上一條汗水流了下來,直流到頸中。她伸左手衣袖擦了擦,臉上紅得像屋簷下掛著的一串串紅辣椒。那青年比她大著兩三歲,長臉黝黑,顴骨微高,粗手大腳,那是湘西鄉下常見的莊稼少年漢子,手中一柄木劍倒使得頗為靈動。

現試譯如下,看倌務必不吝賜教:

The teenage girl was about the age of 17 to 18. She had a round face and a pair of big, black eyes. She was so tired that sweat appeared on her forehead. The sweat was trickling down her left cheek to her neck. She wiped it with her left sleeve. Her face was red like the peppers hanging down the eaves of the house. The young man was two or three years older than her. He had a long, dark face and a slightly high cheekbone. His hands were rough and his feet were big. He looked like a typical farmer in the rural area of Xiangxi, but he was good with his sword.
:) :( ;) :D :-/ :x :P :-* =(( :-O X( :7 B-) #:-S :(( :)) =)) :-B :-c :)] ~X( :-h I-) =D7 @-) :-w 7:P 2):) :!! \m/ :-q :-bd ^#(^

2 則留言:

  1. 對逆向誘拐和一鏡柏林都很有興趣,有甚麼觀後感嗎?

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    1. 【逆向誘拐】剛寫好。
      【一鏡柏林】還不錯,但真的很難相信那是一鏡到底(【屍殺片場】頭37分鐘也很難相信是一take過,雖然好像是真的~)

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